Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
