Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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