got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
