Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
