some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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