Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
