i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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