Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
