What a fucking waste of an outfit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
