The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
