ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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