remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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