Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
