I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
