I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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