I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
