I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
