Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
