so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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