walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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