she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
