Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm passing your future prison.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
