omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
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