wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
