My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
