My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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