I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
