we have officially lost it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
