I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
