Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh god it's open bar.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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