I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
