Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
