Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you had me at cake vodka
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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