I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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