worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
