I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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