So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
