Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
