Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
