The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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