Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is the high leading the old right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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