i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Be still, my beating vagina.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
