I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
