she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
