Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
