Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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