YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Randomize
