i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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