I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
