walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
