She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
