Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
