we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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