My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
