Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
