I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
