paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
