His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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