So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
