Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
