She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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