True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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