so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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