you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
