He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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