i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
