I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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