New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
