He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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