so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
