I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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