You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
