you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
