so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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