i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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