I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
