I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
