I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
