NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
